The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
