you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize