i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
