Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
