I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
