i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
