I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
