I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
