i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
