What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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