ADVERTISEMENT

• (985): View more from Louisiana

  If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

  Fav 12 5851 936

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

  Fav 37 5607 1445

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

  Fav 5 2817 1902

  share tweet
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?

  Fav 8 1172 2999

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

  Fav 14 5221 1816

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms

  Fav 27 6211 1376

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"

  Fav 18 1239 5118

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help

  Fav 6 730 1899

  share tweet
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.

  Fav 7 2362 900

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?

  Fav 2 496 632

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.

  Fav 0 68 21

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (281): View more from Texas

  I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.

  Fav 0 9 31

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now

  (416): View more from Toronto

  bring lube too

  (647): View more from Ontario

  i hate all of you

  Fav 0 99 8

  share tweet
  

• (906): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer

  Fav 0 29 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.

  Fav 0 56 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize