Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
