who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
