Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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