Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
