it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
