Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize