so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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