Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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