About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ugly people sure do ruin things
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
