He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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