I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
