I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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