Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
