I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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