if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
