I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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