i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i would punch a child for taco bell
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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