You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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