i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
