So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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