Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
