john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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