I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
