Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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