You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
