Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
