Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
