yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think my fart just growled at me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
