Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
