So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
