i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
