Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
