You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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