Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
love makes seman taste better
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
