It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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