When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
