is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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