I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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