3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
