You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
