I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
