wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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