: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
