it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
