My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
