I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
