he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
