You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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