Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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