I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
