What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
