I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
