And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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