I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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