I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
