You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
