I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
