What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
