now i know why i became what i already was.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
