wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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