Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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